Last night I attempted aerial skills, yep you heard me right. Me, swinging from curtains and trying to look graceful whilst at it.
It was one of those things that I thought would be a great idea at the time of booking for me and my daughter, but come to the actual doing it, my body wasn’t quite as cooperative as hoped lol.
I have no idea how professionals do it day in day out, because my god it hurts! I thought pole dancing was bad for leaving me battered and bruised but it is nothing in comparison.
We started out by learning how to lock our feet on the fabric meaning that we could remain suspended in the air without dropping to the ground in a heap, ok got it. Next it was using the technique learned in standing in the fabric to climb it, hmmm not so good. My arms just would not hold my weight and allow my legs to tangle themselves how they were supposed to so my ‘aerial’ skills were demonstrated more at a ground level.
Beyond this mastery (or lack of in my case – I was deffo the class dunce), we were shown a couple of poses/moves, the first was called the swan in which case we had to separate the curtain fabric, climb between it and then lower ourselves forward using our arms, while one leg was locked into the base. It looked very pretty when demonstrated and I managed to do this one relatively easy as I’m quite bendy, but wriggling myself back into the start position took a few grunts. The second was called the cocoon, whereby we had to again split the fabric but this time spread it out across our front and back in a kind of hammock style way until we were completely encased. Again not so bad, and I could redeem some of the shame I had installed upon myself at trying to climb.
The last section of the session was dedicated to a sequence of moves that would allow us to flow into a tumbling fall safely, and the fabric would catch us….oh dear!
Firstly, I would like to point out that there were some rather unflattering positions with bums being pointed at the poor spectators, and secondly that material is not as soft and stroky as it looks, it must have hidden fangs or something because it masticated my poor aching body. The first stage was to lie across the fabric with it in a swing style, with your lower back actually taking the weight. This in itself hurt like hell as it squeezed from the sides and the pressure of my entire body weight on such a small area, but we then took it to another level…
Once balance on our back, we had to swing our legs up in the air with them open so we were dangling upside down (not one iota of a flattering look). Then wrap our legs around the suspended fabric and through the centre before pulling ourselves up into a seated position with the material acting a bit like the safety harnesses you see on rock climbers etc. This is where it got N.A.S.T.Y, omfg that material squeezed my poor flabby thighs with more power than a constrictor and no matter how I wriggled to try and get it in a more comfortable position it just wasn’t prepared to play ball. The worst part about it is that I couldn’t just slip out of it either, I needed to complete the sequence of moves to untangle the knot that was encasing my body and legs. So with bit of a heave and a ho, the legs were back up and through the centre of the fabric, and with just a flip back the other way I was undone.
Thanks to the above, I am now sporting some cracking bruises all along my back, my hips and my inner thighs. If the other half thought he was going to give me some lovin’ he was going to have to come armed with a whole load of cushions and pain relief lol.
Why oh why do I do it to myself eh? Bonkers!
Oh and who would have thought that even the muscles in your fingers could ache that much, I think I’ve got mini-biceps on them today.
Jd and I in our 'cocoons'
fluffysparkly 